Good morning, loyal Citizens!
First of all, I would like to thank any and all Citizens who refrained from eating the cake that was mistakenly delivered to the cafeteria. Your friends at Research & Development, however, have decided that it may have been for the best that the cake got where it did, as it will give them a fantastic opportunity to collect data on the chemicals that were in it. Thank you for your cooperation!
Second, the following Citizens have been promoted to Clearance Level ORANGE for their tireless service of The Computer:
Furthermore, the following Citizens have been promoted to Clearance Level YELLOW:
Thank you for listening, and have a great day! If you have any questions, comments, or reports of treasonous activity, please don't hesitate to speak up!
[[Anyone who ate any cake during this week is now infused with mysterious chemicals from R&D. That applies to Chell, Gilgamesh, Kamina, Maya, Ron, and anyone who ate Mask's distributed cake or otherwise had some of their own. For the next 24-48 hours, they will have physical strength equal to roughly double their normal strength.
Side effects may include, but are not limited to, inconsistent hearing sensitivity, sudden mood swings, physical and mental disorientation, brief vision blackouts, minor hallucinations, and actually enjoying FunFoods.]]